I’d photographed her wedding a few years before that, and we’d stayed friends in the years between. When she reached out about a session, she didn’t have a clear picture of what she wanted out of it. She just had a gut feeling that she needed something, and she didn’t want to overthink it.
“When I got divorced, any confidence I once had in myself was truly shot. I felt the worst I ever have about my body, and by extension, myself as a human being.”
That’s where she was when she walked in.
How she got herself in the door
Jamie wasn’t one of those clients who sat with the decision for months. She kind of just pulled the trigger.
“I actually didn’t think much about it at all before pulling the plug… something sparked in me, and deep in my gut, I somehow knew I needed this. To take time for myself, to indulge and celebrate who I am – all on my own.”
The investment piece was real for her, though, and she was honest about it. A session like this isn’t a small thing financially, especially when you’re already in the middle of a divorce and your whole life feels like it’s bleeding money. She talked about that openly.
“Booking with Magan is a financial investment in yourself, and I was afraid that I would not ‘feel’ the value afterwards. Sure, I can dress up and take photos of myself for free. But it isn’t about the photos, the posing, or the lingerie; there is something to be said about the experience that is impossible to put into words. It’s been 4 years since that shoot, and I am still grateful for the experience every single day.”
She wrote that part four years after the session, by the way. The gratitude has held up.
The drive in
She doesn’t remember exactly what was going through her head on the way over. She said it was probably a lot, or maybe nothing at all.
“I’m sure I cried on the way in – it was a really rough time.”
By the time she got through the door, the harder part of the day was already behind her, even if it didn’t feel that way yet.
The part I don’t talk about much
Here’s something about Jamie’s session that I want to actually name, because I don’t think I talk about this part of my work enough.
At some point during the shoot, I told her to let it out. All of it. Every frustration she’d been carrying about her ex, every thing she hadn’t been able to say out loud yet, every piece of rage she’d been swallowing for who knows how long. She didn’t need permission, exactly, but she needed the door to be open, and I opened it.
“I think my favorite moment was when Magan encouraged me to let out all my frustrations toward my ex. We were yelling, cussing, the works. Somehow she knew I needed that, pushing me to get there all while hyping me up.”
Most boudoir content sells the soft version of empowerment. The candlelit, slow-music, find-your-confidence version. And that version is real and that version is valid, but it isn’t the only version, and it isn’t always what someone in Jamie’s chapter actually needs.
Sometimes what they need is to scream a little. To be loud about something they’ve been quiet about for too long. To be reminded that the part of them that’s still pissed off is also part of what they’re reclaiming.
“The true catharsis of it allowed me to open the door to my inner rage that was an important part of my healing journey. It helped me shift my mindset from being hurt and betrayed to indignant and empowered. Eventually, I was able to mold that into true confidence, and I attribute much of that process to that moment.”
I held space for the rage because she needed me to. If you ever need someone to hold space for yours, that’s part of what happens here too.
The same-night sneak peek
I sent Jamie a few preview images the same evening as her shoot, which is something I do whenever I can. Her reaction:
“I was shocked, staring slack-jawed at my screen thinking ‘Who IS that woman!?’ I truly could not believe that the person I was looking at was the skin I was living within.”
She also didn’t change her hair or makeup for the rest of the day.
“Going home with my hair and makeup done, after seeing a few raw photos on the back of her camera in between shots, was the first time I remember feeling confident and sexy in a long time. I didn’t change my hair or makeup for the rest of the day! I felt beautiful and like me, without becoming some polished, airbrushed, edited version of myself.”
The next morning
Her divorce was finalized the morning after her session. A five minute Zoom call, in a post-COVID world that had reduced even big moments to a video meeting.
Her ex didn’t show up to the hearing.
“But that day, I got to show up for myself in a way I never had before, and the empowerment that session granted me has carried through so many years later.”
I’m not going to add anything to that. She said what needed to be said.
What it changed for her
Four years out from her session, Jamie still talks about how it changed the way she carries herself day to day.
“This confidence I have as a person has improved dramatically. From the way I walk down the street to the way I address conflict, I feel much more self-assured these days. The girl I was before could not imagine saying ‘no;’ now, I know that boundaries are a girl’s best friend, and that I deserve peace.”
She doesn’t credit the session with fixing her marriage or making the divorce easy or handing her something she didn’t already have inside her. What it did was give her something to look at on the days she forgot what was in there.
“Because who is that woman? That’s the best version of me yet, and it only gets better from here, girl.”
What she’d tell women still on the fence
I asked Jamie what she’d want to say to the version of herself who was thinking about booking but hadn’t done it yet.
“Girlie, you owe yourself some kindness. Go with your gut, and you won’t regret it.”
If something in this is calling you
If you read Jamie’s story and recognized yourself in any part of it. Jamie didn’t feel ready either. She just went with her gut and trusted that it would lead her somewhere good.
Start the booking process — or learn more about the boudoir experience first.